Are you lonely? bored? horny? or just curious? no matter, love will improve your life, love will improve you, and we, Orphitecktion, generous as we are, will share our wisdom to help you in your quest.
IMPROVE YOURSELF! FIND LOVE! Orphitecktion tells you how! FOR FREE! articles are here to help you with that and in our first article we will help you, dear Ladies, to find the love that will improve you, by using your smart phone and Tinder, never has it been more romantic to use an electric device apart maybe from a vibrator, or a vibro egg, or a remotely controlled vibro egg, actually there are many more romantic things than Tinder but high-tech matchmaking is here now and you could try it.
Once again mankind is in need of improvement, and Orphitecktion, as is it’s duty, is here to lend a helping hand.
To go with the times and to help spread love and cum near and far, we decided to send a lover undercover, to infiltrate the Tinder marketplace for pussy and cock, a modern age application for your smartest of phones that lets you like or dislike people in your vicinity and then chat them up for quick fucks or drawn out romances. To our astonishment most of the girls looking for love there offered themselves up in very inadequate ways, and our agent came to the conclusion there was a void, one that needed filling or he wouldn’t even get laid on this mission, and we all know every good agent needs to get laid at the end just before the credits roll, usually a few times before aswell.
Therefore we went into the Orphitecktion Labs, fired up the think tank and later on decided to share our findings, for free, with you dear womenfolk.
how not to Tinder for chicks or things that made our undercover lover disapprove of you:
EMPTY PROFILE TEXT
are you sure your photos make up for basically no info about you? we are quite sure they do not.
we do not really care how tall you are… …for now,
it just feels like a bot thing, or like you are a bot in reality which is probably even worse, and exciting at the same time confusingly
we don’t know you yet, maybe all you are good for is a one night stand! maybe we would want to marry you and make you babies! we simply don’t know yet! ruling it out however makes sure we wont get to know you because cock, it sounds weird but nature created man’s cock to give him reason, and girls that rule out ONS categorically are not what nature wants. Rather tell us your kinks outright instead of what you don’t like.
it is just unprofessional
PHOTOS WITH FRIENDS
that is intimidating and confusing, who of all those people are you? will we have to befriend all those lunatics?
all right, you like to get drunk, dress like a slut and flirt with boys, cool, let’s have a beer, but we do not really want to date you, don’t fucking have us imagine getting dragged to parties by you while Ms Slut rubs her arse at the crotches of filthy 19 year olds
ONLY DOWNWARD FACE SHOTS TO HIDE HOW FAT YOU ARE
be honest bout it, maybe we boys like to fuck some meat sometimes, but getting surprised later on wont make us like you more or anything, as you might guess most would just get pissed and angry and since you also showed party pics, they will probably be drunk and aggressive
PICS WITH EXOTIC LOCATIONS
you on your first trip into the wild world of Dubai skydiving… do you want to make sure only people who can and want to go to places like that will contact you? we don’t even know you yet, and we sure don’t want to be your sugar daddy, there are portals for that kinda shit, your sugar daddy will most likely be too old to go skydiving though.
PICS WITH EXOTIC ANIMALS
you own that tiger you are petting there? or just payed some shady zoo in Thailand to keep a tiger drugged out enough for you to pet it without getting mauled to death?
PICS WITH EXOTIC CARS
do you own that E-Type Jag? no wait, you wouldn’t pose in front of one, you would pose in front of a Lamborghini, one you just came by on the street and had to destroy by rubbing your fat ass all over the bonnet and scratching the paint job. Even if we drive such a car, we wont let you just drive it cause you posed in front of one, we might if we see a pic of you taking off a helmet after a trackday, all sweaty, which sounds actually quite sexy.
how to Tinder for chicks or things that made our undercover lover approve of you:
FACE AND BODY SHOT OF !YOU!
ya, preferably in a bikini, point is something that gives us an idea of you, dont show us some beach from some vacation, we know those exist, we would rather see you at work or in your garden, playing with your dog, something about you not a beach.
SOME TEXT IN YOUR PROFILE
write something about you, not the stuff everybody writes, we know you like your friends and music, everyone does, but what do you like specifically?
so you understand that we dont want you to write „i like movies moeeep“ and you say „i like star wars“, then, if you like Star Wars, which is cool, many weird girls do, who is your favorite hero? it should be princess Leia as Jabba’s slavegirl for a perfect match.
and that’s about it, its not complicated, just dont be a pretend wannabe or mysterious being, be yourself and let us guys know about it. You should easily be able to win a few rounds in Tinder now, maybe even break the highscore if you work hard for it.